Q&A with "The Girls"

*Mature Content and Language*

To learn a little more about Trailer Park and the characters we'll meet, we decided to have a chat with "The Girls," who are our guides during the show.

Hey Betty, for a night on the town do you feature the hair, or the cleavage? Does location matter? 

Why limit to only one! I like my boobs and hair like I like my men - large and in charge!!  Location never matters! I always gotta look good, doesn't matter if I am at Piggly Wiggly or going to church, you never know when you might meet Prince Charming.

So, Betty, why did you stick around Armadillo Acres after your husband died?

My husband, God rest his soul, passed away in his easy chair after watching his favorite Nascar Driver, Dale Earnhardt win the Daytona 500. It was just so exciting that his heart couldn't take it anymore! His last words to me were: Take care of the Acres for me. If I left it would be disrespecting his wishes. So, I am the leasing manager now and take my job seriously. Every day I stay out sunbathing to keep an eye on the residents - helping out when I can.

Lin, you seem like a pretty low-key, down-to-earth kind of person, why do you put up with all the hysterics and drama around Armadillo Acres?

Oh… but that’s what keeps me around… Since the pokey became my Earl’s home -it’s what gets me through the day.

We hear that you enjoy riding motorcycles, Lin.  What's the smallest cc [size of engine] you'd consider taking a ride on? 

Triumph Thunderbird Storm 1699cc -without a doubt.

Okay, Pickles, what's your favorite brand? Can you give us any good pairings for when we feel a bit peckish? 

Corn nuts and M&Ms! It’s like trailmix but waaaay better!  It’s salty and sweet, crunchy and soft, and you don’t have to worry about picking around nasty raisins!  I call it Gorp.  

So Pickles, why do you want to be a mother so badly?

Kids are the key to happiness!  Plus…My parents practically disowned me when I dropped out of high school.  So I packed up, got married, and found my way to Armadillo Acres.  Since my family sucks, I’ve decided that I’m gonna make a new and better one of my own! 

Speaking of family, why do you three think you are such good friends and stick together?

Betty:  I love my gal pals - Lin and Pickles. They are always ready and willing to help me out in jam. In fact, just the other day, I ran out of sun tan oil and so Lin had me covered with her own special brand of oil, I think it is called Mazola. And, Pickles, she is just the cutest. I see a lot of myself in her and feel like I have to protect her for the dark and dangerous forces in the world. I mean the other day she was going to miss out on the latest episode of Dr. Phil and I so I taught her how to TIVO - the poor kid never knew it existed!

Pickles:  Well Betty has become like a second mom to me.  Or rather, the mother I wish I had.  And Lin is like my older sister: we bicker but I can always count on her to protect me.  They are loyal, strong, and a bit crazy.  What more could you ask for in a best friend???

Lin: My stories would scare the shit out of you and I would have to kill you if I told ya, so let’s just stay out of my business -got it?

Okay... moving on.  What's the first thing a new neighbor needs to know when moving to Armadillo Acres? 

Betty:  I don't know what they need exactly except I hope anyone new to Armadillo Acres feels welcome and likes to get into the holiday spirit. We always have a Christmas decorating contest and the best display whens the Santa Trophy. I have won it for the last 5 years so it would be difficult for them to beat me but I still like some healthy competition. One year I got inspired to decorate with all things - PHAT. (Pretty Hot And TEMPTING). My light display included lava lamps, strobe lights, a Hawaiian Theme Santa riding a Harley, and I even found some chili pepper string of lights (they are the cutest)! I actually liked them so much they are still up today. Puts me in the holiday spirit every time I look at them!

Pickles:  Secrets don’t stay secrets for very long.  

Lin: KEEP YOUR FUCKING LIGHTS ON. And of course: Betty is always right. 

I see. So, when a hurricane is coming, what's the first thing you do? 

Betty:  If a hurricane is a comin’ the best place to be is in your bathtub with a mattress over your head. If you can't all fit in the bathtub find yourself a motel because the first thing that goes out in our park is the plumbing. And, you don't want to be standing outside when the septic tank gets backed up! One time we had a tornado come through the park and old Bertha didn't want to leave her 14 cats by themselves so she decided to handcuff herself to the cabinets of her double wide. It was the smartest thing she could do because that tornado ripped right through her front yard, picked up her trailer and set it down 5 miles down the road. The only thing still intact was the kitchen and they found her safe and sound along with her 14 cats - who knew putting them in the fridge would have been the safest place!!

Pickles:  STOP, DROP, and ROLL!

Lin: Strap a six inch hunting knife to your leg… It’s kind of awesome.